The Story of Our Stuff

For years I have tried to be a minimalist. It may not sound that hard but truly, as someone who grew up collecting rocks and acorns from outside, it was and is a challenge. I wanted out home to be a place of peace, a place where we can welcome others on a regular basis for a cup of coffee or a place of rest. And, to have a home like that I needed things right? Pretty things, useful things, things that told the world who we are.

I couldn’t walk the $5 section at target and say no.

A new magazine in the checkout at the grocery store? Count me in!

Oh what a lovely figurine of a girl reading, I love to read I obviously need this!

I noticed my home had more than I could ever possibly need but it still felt empty. Nothing a new book couldn’t fix though, right?

And then I got married and it wasn’t just my stuff that needed a place to live but Darling Zachary’s too (although he came with considerably less than I did when we started unpacking the boxes). Piles, new organization ideas, boxes under the bed, storage units out back- more, more, more.

Yet I was feeling like less, less, less.

To be clear some people are maximalist and this doesn’t bother them but for me it was suffocating.

Maybe you have felt like this too? Like you have a home full of things, sometimes beautiful things, but something is still missing, like you still are not “enough.” So you make one more purchase, one more throw pillow, one more credit card swipe, one more book, candle, set of shoes, soup bowl, hair accessory, lamp, picture frame, garden gnome, on and on and before you know it you can’t breath-but why? You have all the right things…

Here is the thing, the stuff we surround ourselves with is LOUD and I believe our stuff is telling us our story. And before we know it we have put some liars in the mix of this beautiful narrative. Let me explain because I know this sounds crazy…

I have a masters degree in Folklore (which if you ever want to talk about my answer is always yes) and one of the fields of study is material culture. Material culture is encompassed by those things around us. The things that we create or build or use, that when examined together, tell the story of the person or culture who used or uses them. Things like tools, books, clothing, rugs, art, houses, anything hand built can fall into this category. Folklorist don’t just ask what does this item do (although that is an important step) but they ask WHY does this item do that, how often, and most importantly to what significance. I was obsessed with learning about material culture because, as I mentioned earlier, I love things. But, as I dove deeper into this research, I learned something interesting-these items tell a story that I am then interpreting, often times out of context, and I don’t always get that story right.

Here I am going to veer far out of the path of academia before one of my professors smites me for totally distorting their work and pull this into a personal level.

While Folklore taught me many interesting skills perhaps my favorite that it taught me was to listen to the stories around me. Yes, even the story of my things. So I turned my academic knowledge into heart knowledge and decided to try to apply it to my own home.

With this new lens the decluttering process became less about “only own 100 items” or “you must emotionally remove all things from your heart to be free” (which are both pretty lofty and complicated mandates) to “stuff isn’t the enemy but the stuff that lies can be.”

No one likes to be around a liar. Even if they are really fun in the moment as their stories start to unravel so does the shine that they left behind. I realized certain items in my house could feel the same way. They didn’t tell my story, they told the story of who I was projecting, what I thought I would become, or worse, what I never wanted to be.

So, slowly and ruthlessly I began to declutter my home and, surprisingly to me, but not to anyone who actively pursues mindful living, the clutter of my mind and life also began to quiet down.

Suddenly coffee in the morning was about getting to appreciate Darling Zachary’s morning hair (which is a mess and I love it) instead of if this cup was crate and barrel or target. I would walk into the house and actually see the picture of us from our engagement shoot that brings a rush of love instead of missing it because of every item around it. I would reach for a blanket to wrap myself up in and be wrapped in the love of my great grandmother’s afghan instead of having to move 3 throw blankets around so my friends could get settled.

It all had a purpose, it all had a message, it was all there to promote peace.

Maybe you have been there. Maybe your things are the result of mindless shopping, maybe they have been accumulated intentionally but it got out of hand. However it happened do you know what story you are telling?

At this point maybe you are thinking, “great I want this but I like my stuff,” or “I will never have time to ever do this.” Below is the simple path I took, and still take to curate my things, to tell my story. I don’t know about you but there is enough negativity in the world that seeps into my mind without my stuff adding to it.

It is time to create homes of joy and celebration not clutter and confusion.

The path I took was simple and it is a combination of many other programs:

• First, I put a freeze on buying. Unless it was an essential to live (like our refrigerator went out at this time and we did buy another one) it wasn’t coming into the house until the process was over. This may seem harsh but you will never get ahead if you keep bringing stuff in AND until you declutter and listen carefully you won’t know the story that is being told or the story you would like to tell. When we see gaps our first instinct is to fill them but this process is about sitting with those gaps.

• Second, I set a timeline that I wanted to complete this process by. I began the first of April 2020 and was done by June 1, 2020. I know this may seem like a long time (especially since I lived in a house that was 790 square feet). But this gave me time to really consider what I was doing and not just rush through. I was able to work a few hours, sometimes even just a few minutes, a day (always when I was in a good mindset) instead of pushing myself on when I was tired or hungry or in any other mindset that would make me hate what I was doing.

• Third, I told Zach but didn’t force Zach to join me. He ended up diving headfirst with me after a few weeks but it was on his time and for his own reasons.

• Finally, the fun part, I went space by space and altered the narrative. In each room I would physically touch every single item and ask what it was saying about me, was I letting it define me, did it own me, did it bring me joy (hello, Marie Kondo). I went item by item until I began to like what I was hearing. I eventually took over 3 truck (yes truck) loads to goodwill.

While this part was fun it was also incredibly difficult in some stages. There were actual tears as I fought for authenticity and learned to listen to the story. There were designer purses that I gripped for dear life even though I knew they hadn’t been used in years. I would say “this purse was expensive and it says I am a professional” but in the silence I would hear the true story “this is a nice purse but hanging in my closet all it says is, I am insecure in who I am and am praying you will know the cost of it and be forced to take me seriously.” I jumped, literally up in the air, when I heard that voice and threw it across the room. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good pursue, but I needed to learn to look for the ones that I loved because of the look and feel, not because of the price.

Or, when I came across items collected from journeys overseas, I would think “I can’t get rid of this-it shows I am well traveled” and the whisper would hiss “do you even remember the name of the city you were in when you bought this?” Frustration, acceptance, and to the pile it went. On and on, item by item I went for weeks at a time.

Slowly, but surely, I noticed I felt lighter. Like physically lighter (even though this is peak covid and I was in fact gaining weight). Why was this? These items could not actually talk to me, and I barely ever touched some of them so they weren’t physically adding weight to me but as I got rid of them, as I listened to the story and regained control, I experienced a freedom I could not possibly have imagined.

At the end I looked around and saw a record player that played scratchy records that sounded like home, like the mountains I loved so dearly, like our first dance, like spring and Christmas, like the soundtracks of our lives.

I saw a standing mixer where I turned to cook and bake pies and cakes when life felt out of control and heavy, where I made an engagement cake for a friend, where I made Zach’s birthday pies, where I made Christmas cookies for the neighbors.

I saw little keepsakes gathered from artist I admired, trips we had taken, moments picked up along the way. I started to like the story-and more importantly I had started to guide it.

I still have a long way to go (and we will talk about clothes later because that is it’s own mess). I have to re-do this process every few months, in much less extreme ways, or I let go of my story, but I am proud of our home and proud of where we are headed.

If a researcher came into our home in the future, long after we are gone, I hope they would say “the people who lived here loved God and loved people, they thought critically, gave graciously, celebrated well, lived authentically. This was a home of peace.”

Obviously, everyone’s journey is going to look a little different and they will decide what works for them but some of my favorite resources were/are:

• “The Minimalist”-the entire brand. The books “Minimalism” and “Love People Use Things” were life changing as were their documentaries.

• Marie Kondo, “The life-changing Magic of Tidying Up” If you are alive in the 21st century you know this book.

• Myquillyn Smith-again her entire brand “the Nester". All 3 books, all her content online, the whole shabang. She talks about being a “cozy minimalist” and that resonated so deeply with me.

• Emily Ley of the “Simplified” brand decluttering challenge. Easy, digestible day by day task to get you going.