Mostly Unfiltered Postpartum Reflections Part 1: Birth…the checklist
In spite of the chaotic nature of our little girl’s premature delivery (you can read about it in the last post) there are still some things I am really grateful that I did, had, and read as I prepared for her arrival. And, more importantly, there were a few lessons I am so glad I was able to take away from the experience. It would take forever to break down every step of the process but here are some of the highlights in order of when I found them helpful.
Hard truth: You can have the best birth plan and the best check list imaginable and you will probably still be unprepared for this ginormous life shift.
So-I narrowed it down to the things I actually felt like made a difference for both delivery and recovery!
I also went ahead and broke it down by week. These are just suggestions that either did (or would have) helped us!
To Do:
Pregnancy Weeks 20-27:
If you are anything like me you probably don’t feel like planning the nursery or really investing in key pieces until you hit that second trimester stride. I was very hesitant to even begin thinking about the delivery process, nursery, or future until we were well situated in our second trimester but that meant we had to hit the ground running when we got there.
So, for us, the first steps were:
Make a budget. We are big Dave Ramsey people around here. Some of you just rolled your eyes, some of you slammed your laptop and blocked me, others cheered and forwarded this to your friends, some of you are wondering who the heck this guy is and why he is in a post about pregnancy. But, regardless of how you feel about his methods, unless you have an unlimited bank account, a budget is crucial. Having a baby is very expensive but there are levels of expensive.
We had two budgets Megan (me) and baby. Here is why a budget matters. I knew I was getting new pajamas for delivery. I wanted soft pajamas that buttoned in the front and were flowy and airy for midnight feedings. I could write an ode to the pajama. If you are still sleeping in an old tshirt give that up and get you some good pajamas-it will change your life. Anyway, my favorite brand is Lake Pajamas but they are a bit pricy. Without a budget I know I would have ordered a pair and kept them for a few months only for them to not fit anymore (I lost 56 lbs in my first 6 weeks postpartum). Not to mention the milk spills and spit up they would have all over them.
With a budget in tact I knew that there was no way nice pajamas would fit in the plan so I found amazon pajamas for a lower price point with good reviews. And, surprise of the century, nothing horrible or life changing happened because I got cheaper pajamas.
Same goes for the baby. I knew we wanted her in a bassinet in our room. Basinets can run from a hundred dollars to a few thousand dollars depending on which one you get. Knowing our budget and the long list of items we would need to bring her home safely helped us select one that was safe, fit our needs, and didn’t leave us with more credit card debt at the end. Don’t get me wrong, if someone had given me a SNOO I would have wept with joy but I also am filled with joy each night at 1:30 am when I can roll over and see my sweet baby safely in her bassinet beside me (usually screaming because it is time to eat).
Know your birth plan and know the alternatives. Unless you are an extremely squeamish person I do think it is wise to research all the avenues for bringing you baby into the world. From there you can make a decision on what feels right for you/your family. BUT, you should also research the alternatives. Maybe you know you want a natural birth but you should still know what an epidural does and doesn’t do. Maybe you think you will NEVER have a C-section but you should be prepared for what that could mean in case the situation comes to that. When you are in a race against the clock or your precious little one is at risk is not the time to be trying to consume tons of information about what each alternative offers. A huge caveat to this is that you should then check all this information against your healthcare provider. You selected them for a reason to help be your guide and this is a great time to use that knowledge and experience to understand fact from fiction and to set realistic expectations.
Make sure your partner knows the birth plan. Between contractions is not the time to prep your person on your expectations, hopes, or fears. Those should be honest conversations had way before you get to the place of delivery. If you want an at home birth but you begin talking to your partner about it and they seem like they are going to hurl you should probably start looking for a doula to help you both. If you are talking about a C-Section and your partner is not familiar with the procedure it is probably a good time to talk about what a massive surgery would mean for your recovery. This is probably entirely new for them too and I know Zach had NOT spent hours researching this stuff, nor was he going to. He trusted me to take the lead here and as such I needed to respect that trust and prepare him well.
Start dreaming about the nursery. This isn’t the time to buy stuff-this is the time to dream to your hearts content. But, don’t limit yourself to traditional nurseries for inspiration-look for inspiration everywhere. I actually landed on inspiration from the beautiful southern city we live in (hello, Charleston you lovely old gal) and one of my favorite authors (the grand dame of southern literature, Flannery O’Conner) which meant PEACOCKS! I found a wallpaper I was obsessed with that would grow with her and then built the rest of the dream about that. But, again, no buying for now.
Weeks 28-34
This is when stuff started feeling very real to me. I had a scare where we thought my water broke at week 29 (it had not but it was still scary) and I realized we needed to have things ready to go.
Book your maternity pictures if you have not already. I am going to do a whole post about this in the future but, for now, all I will say is I know you don’t feel sexy (most likely, if you do more power to you) and you feel like it is a lot of money but this is a precious time you cannot recreate. As our amazing photographer/one of my dearest friends told me “you can always put them in a drawer and not look at them for decades but you can’t go back and create this moment again at another time.” Do the pictures if at all possible.
Begin to prepare for postpartum. I ordered this stuff early so I would have it and wouldn’t have to worry about it. There are many amazing list out there for what you may or may not need for recovery so I won’t recreate the wheel but the things I absolutely could not have survived without are:
AN AMAZING WATER BOTTLE. Your water needs for recovery are insanely high and if you are breast feeding they are even higher. I was shamelessly influenced into buying a Stanley cup and I am obsessed with it. I think it was worth the investment but, as Dave Ramsey people, I think he would probably disagree (although, I heard Rachel Cruz defending its ingenuity on the Happy Hour Podcast so I felt a little justified). You could find something more in your price range for sure if that seems crazy to you but you want something that keeps your water cold, with a lid, easy to carry and drink out of one handed (you will be carrying that baby around a lot).
Perineal bottle I used the Frida Brand
Ice pads again, Frida
Granny Panties. I knew a C-Section was a possibility so I got C-Section friendly ones on Amazon. They were so comfortable.
Cozy Pajamas (my cheap, slightly tacky amazon loves).
Pick out your hospital bag. I ordered one on Amazon and loved it. Zach used a backpack he has had for years and it worked great. Really whatever works for you is awesome just make sure it is big enough for your stuff.
Make sure your other loves (kids or pets) are taken care of. Since I was 5 weeks early we did not have everything ready for sweet Melvin and I felt horrible. I spent the first few hours ONLY worrying about my dog at home until I got the word from my parents that everything was ok.
For kids and pets the most important thing is that they feel safe and valued too. I suggest the following:
Know who is staying with them and have a back up. Babies tend to operate on their own time so you want to know who you call if your parents are out of town or your sister is on a business trip. AND I think it is important that your kids and pets know them too. In an unforeseen pinch you do what you have to do but ultimately you would rather them be with someone they know and are comfortable with. This is not the time for them to meet your coworker who you love but they have only seen once at the Christmas party.
Know where they are staying. Will they be at home and someone come to them or do you have to take them somewhere? That determines how you pack and plan the next steps.
Make sure you have left important numbers an instructions. You don’t want to be wondering if your child got their medicine that morning or have to google your vets number if something happens. That should all be ready to go.
Make sure medicines and food has been refilled. Again, you don’t want whoever is staying with them to have to navigate refilling a necessary prescription. For our dog I bought a small bag of food at the end of second trimester that we never opened so I knew it was here if needed. For kids you could try having a pantry box with some staples that you don’t touch until after the baby just in case you go in to labor the night before you needed to go to the grocery store. You don’t want whoever is with your loves to have to go grocery shopping for you.
Do prepare the nursery OR AT LEAST the essentials. For me this was a biggie. Space and home mean so much to me. An unfinished room was going to cause me so much anxiety and take hours of my time as I worried about what to do with it. Because I know this about myself I cleared everything out of the would be nursery in the second trimester and would sit in there while I worked or read to imagine what it could be. I left the door open so that I could see the light for different times of the day. I thought about her now and her in the future. And then I created. She was 5 weeks early so it was NOT done but the design was completed and the essential pieces had been ordered. So, is she in her nursery already? No. Was it vitally important to my mental health that it was done? Yes. Even if the nursery isn’t a big deal to you, you do need to have the essentials figured out.
Where is the baby going to safely sleep? The last thing you want to be doing at 10:00 pm when you get home from the hospital is trying to figure out where to lay the baby down
Where are you going to change diapers? For me crawling around on the floor after delivery wasn’t an option so the changing table was the first thing I ordered and the first thing we put together.
What is the baby going to eat? Again, this is deeply personal but if you are using formula you want to have some at the ready. If you are breast feeding you want your pump and other supplies ready to go. You don’t want to realize your first night at home the baby is hungry and you need to run to the store.
Pick out you baby’s pediatrician. They will ask you before you leave the hospital who you are planning on seeing. You want to call them ahead of time and make sure they are accepting new patients and see if there is anything you need to do.
Pack your hospital bag. Again this is really personal but a few things to remember:
You just gave birth. If a photoshoot is your expectation (and honestly it was mine) it is perfectly fine to be prepared. I packed my makeup and a “cute” robe and outfit just in case. Because of how our delivery happened that was not happening but I had it just in case. I also made the mistake of just packing yoga pants and sweatshirts and tshirts. I recommend having some baggy pants or shorts (again in case things go in a different direction), some nursing tank tops, and a zip up jacket or hoodie. For me cute went right out the window and comfortable took over immediately.
Buy the travel size toiletries. It was so nice to not have to remember my shower stuff at 2:00 am as we are headed to the hospital. Everything I needed was already in the bag.
Get flip flops for the shower a size larger than you would normally wear-your feet will swell.
Do bring lace up shoes so you can widen them if needed.
For the baby bring multiple sizes of clothes. Our daughter was premature so the newborn clothes I brought ate her up but we also had 0-3 month clothes in there in case she was larger.
Pack a phone charger with an extra long cord.
I brought a book (lol) because I love to read but I was so exhausted I didn’t want to look at it. So, my laptop and good old fashioned friends reruns were a lifesaver.
Again, YOU WANT A GOOD WATER BOTTLE. I was so dehydrated and, while they gave me a huge cup, I wanted one that kept my water cold all night long.
Don’t bring something with huge sentimental value if you can do without. A special blanket or stuffed animal that brings you comfort could easily be lost in the shuffle. Extra blankets are fine but make it one you just picked up at target, not one your grandmother made you for your wedding.
Pack, or have your partner pack, their hospital bag. Depending on where you are delivering they may be able to run home after things are more settled to pick up extra clothes but labor can be tricky business and can last a long time. We were 48 hours at the hospital before Zach could even consider going home. And, for over 23 of those hours, I was in labor. So a few things he NEEDED:
A sweatshirt. Hospitals are notoriously cold and he was literally shivering during delivery at one point. You are uncomfortable enough without feeling bad that your supporting partner is uncomfortable.
Sweatpants/shorts. No one wants to sleep in jeans.
SNACKS. Zach had a hard time sneaking away because once we started pitocin it was hard core every 2-3 minutes. He needed food. Even with his snacks he started getting a splitting headache on day 2 from not eating enough-you don’t want that. Pack like you are going camping/hiking. Think granola, nuts, jerky, etc.
Do prepare for postpartum. I really underestimated my healing process but a few things I am so glad I had on hand:
Weeks 34-40
Go to your doctor appointments
Plan a special date night with your partner that is very low key (you probably won’t feel like doing anything huge)
Prepare to be totally unprepared.